Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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