fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
