i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
