dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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