There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
