so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
