Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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