Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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