You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
