trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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