she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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