Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
