I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
