Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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