3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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