she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
