can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
