booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
