You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He shit in the fireplace
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
