I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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