It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
