I think im going to throw up on grandma
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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