If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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