Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
