I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
