Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
