I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
