adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
