Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
