Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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