dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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