I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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