I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
