i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
