If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
