I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
