We need to rekindle our bromance
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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