He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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