Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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