I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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