Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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