tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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