Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
