It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
