he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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