mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
