its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
