The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
