She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
