before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
