I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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