Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
