the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
